Arsene Wenger; The Myth, The Legend, The Man

Arsenal head coach Arsene Wenger (C) is greeted by children prior to Arsenal soccer clinic in Nagoya on July 21, 2013. Arsenal's Japanese leg of their pre-season Asian tour is a trip down memory lane for Arsene Wenger, as he faces former club Nagoya Grampus -- coached by one of his ex-players

Arsene Wenger is a man that has his finger in more pies than Jim (Jason Biggs) in American Pie. If you can refrain from any sexual images that would be nice…. He has been described in some quarters as a purist, a genius, a professor of the game, a master tactician and so on. The plaudits that he has received have been more earth shattering than a scene from a Mass Effect game ( If you don’t know what that is, the earth shatters). Obviously these quotes come from people that are close to him or in his pocket obviously by that I mean that in the most literal sense not actually in his pocket that would be ridiculous. There wouldn’t be room what with the small children he has buried down his pants.He is all about nurturing don’t you know? 


A more fitting name for Wenger would be the Accountant, he has probably fiddled more finances than Rogue trader Nick Leeson. Im not too sure he knows his way round a football pitch but give him a balance sheet and he could be all yours ladies. 


Wenger is a candidate for the Paedophile Pimp of the modern game, watch out kids Wenger’s about. “He will scout you at your school, he will get in to your head, make you promises he cannot keep, he will steal you from your bed”. Wenger isn’t interested in players that make immediate impacts who is? who is in the game to be successful? what would be the point in that? As long as they have a good time that’s all that counts isn’t it?… sorry I lost myself there since the club only seems to have kids on the books these days I slipped into a coma, woke up in a different dimension thought I had a son and was watching his hopes and dreams completely shattered in front of my own eyes.  


As some of you will know by now I am huge admirer of what Wenger has achieved, his recent achievements at Arsenal are impressive. They can only be compared to the amazing catastrophe that was banking Giant Goldman Sachs, that is right they are the bank that kickstarted the global economic meltdown. He has managed to take a thriving club and turn it on its head. The club is now heading into the the proverbial rabbit hole.


Wenger is a man that defines success not by how many trophies he has one, but evidently how the annual turnover looks. Wenger also manages to find himself being more powerful that Ivan Gazidis or anyone else at the club for that matter. He is cleverly manufactured a position where he can dictate what fees he is willing to pay for certain players. His power resembles something similar to genocidal maniac Muammar al-Gaddafi (that is the colonel to you). 


I would like to summarise this by saying that having Arsene Wenger in charge of your football club is a bit like Anal Sex, if on the receiving end it is undoubtedly painful, but if you are not directly effected it is just a sick joke.



Goonerscribe Out.

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